"I tried to research how pregnancy, birth and motherhood might look for someone with fibromyalgia"
Before getting pregnant I tried to research how pregnancy, birth and motherhood might look for someone with fibromyalgia. Fibromyalgia is a chronic pain and fatigue syndrome, which lots of women have but most experience it quite differently to each other because the symptoms are so broad. I found there was very little validated information available to me about what I could expect of pregnancy. The best I could do was read individual experiences on blog posts or mumsnet. So I knew that for the lucky few, pregnancy entirely removed the pain of their condition - how I wish I was one of those women! Others reported being almost bed bound due to flare ups. And there were plenty in between too. Ultimately, I was left with no more information than I had started with and I went into pregnancy knowing it would be a roll of the dice, simply hoping I got lucky and knowing I had a great support system around me if I needed it.
For the most part I would say my pregnancy has been very smooth. I'm grateful to say that my fibromyalgia has remained fairly constant throughout and I've been able to maintain working, walking and most social activities I did before. Of course the first trimester was hard, full of sickness, exhaustion and all whilst trying to keep our growing baby a secret. Honestly, I think it's a time when you need support the most and yet we decide it's the time that no one should know why you're struggling. I enjoyed having the bubble of just my husband and I knowing, but it was definitely a challenging time and I'm grateful for the few close people we did decide to include before the 12 week point, as it gave me that extra bit of support.
"It hasn't beaten me, so I must be doing something right, and I'm proud of that!"
One of the hardest parts of pregnancy so far has been managing my emotions around how I think I should feel versus my reality. My condition means that I'm in almost constant pain. Sometimes that means that I simply don't want to be touched and I get over-stimulated easily. Once you mix strong baby kicks into that it gets complicated! I've felt so conflicted and guilty just wishing my baby would be more gentle or stop moving for just a while to give me a chance to recover. Feeling your baby move is always displayed as the highlight of pregnancy, the bit you'll never forget and cherish forever. For me, it can be extremely painful and full of guilt. I wish I could enjoy the experience more but the reality is that it's just not always a magical moment for me.
Another obstacle I faced was the changes I had to make to my pain management strategies. I have had to stop using several options altogether - constant use of heating pads, very hot baths, topical creams like volterol and long lasting adhesive heat patches. Others have become more grey due to vague medical guidance and consequently I'm left feeling guilty if I use them "too much". It's been a real adjustment to find different ways to manage my symptoms after so many years of doing it one way. As I write this I am 34 weeks pregnant and the pain hasn't been consistently debilitating, it hasn't beaten me, so I must be doing something right, and I'm proud of that!
"I'm starting to think that maybe my experience with fibromyalgia has actually helped me through this pregnancy"
It might sound like a strange thing to say, but I'm starting to think that maybe my experience with fibromyalgia has actually helped me through this pregnancy. Don't get me wrong, I would ditch it in a heartbeat if I had the chance! It's just that I am very accustomed to being in pain every day, but working through it. I'm used to sleepless nights due to discomfort, but getting on with things as if I'm fine. The resilience I have gained from managing my condition has been an asset to me throughout my pregnancy, and I hope I can also say the same for the birth and the continued journey into motherhood.
